The Elusive Perfect Relationship

In all the work I do, in one way or another, relationships are involved.  Humanity was created and designed for relationship.  Relationships clash.  Therefore it is also a safe bet to say that most pain is derived by people in relationships.  Yet oddly enough, we desire security, safety and belonging which also are sought after in relationships.  I will stand firm and say “there is an inherent risk that someone will be hurt in every relationship”.

Risk is key.  Risk is a non-negotiable for the engagement and experience of life.  I cannot think of anything that is assured or virtually risk-free in life.  Relationships are no exception.  Life, relationships and risk walk together hand-in-hand.

Each individual has perceptions and definitions of what a relationship is.  Often this identification of what makes up a relationship begins at the point that one relationship ends whether it is due to a breakup or death.  We frequently examine our lives following a loss for it is a natural time in which to do so.  The awareness of the past gives profound, compelling resources for understanding of the future.  It is while reviewing and surveying what we had, then looking into the future of possibilities, we are able to peer into opportunities that may have been hidden or never considered before.  Unfortunately, many forgo or inadvertently miss this powerful and effective review because they keep their attention on what they have lost rather than integrating what they are learning by the experience of their loss.

Change is yours when you experience loss.  Change is an option.  Safety in relationship can be mediated through a few realizations.

• What are your needs? What do you want in a relationship?  What is “IT” that is drawing you to consider another relationship?

Relationships are developed at many levels of intimacy.

There are acquaintances to coworkers.

There are friendships to companionships.

There are relationships that share both emotional and physical levels of affection.

• What are your “must haves? What are your “deal breakers”?

Relationships are mutual connections.

Relationships founded on the ideal that one person must change or be rescued from themselves is a relationship established on a path of destruction.

• In every relationships there are 3 relationships present.
  1. A relationship of Me to Me
  2. A relationship of You to You
  3. A relationship of Me to You

A wise friend once explained to me, the new math of relationship:  1 + 1 = 1

For people or couples so eager to call it quits and throw-in the towel on any relationship with another person because everything isn’t ‘perfect’…here is some food for thought.

Relationships are not what most people think they are.  It’s not waking up every morning to breakfast in bed or hearing a pleasantry of good morning every day.  It’s not always liking the same entertainment or hanging out with the same people.  It’s not a clean home filled with laughter and love-making every day.  It’s not about a fantasy of perfection.  Yes, sometimes these things happen coincidentally.  Yes, sometimes these things happen as planned.  But, may I suggest that… door slamming, harsh words, disagreements, frustration, emotional breakdowns happen.  Loving someone is not always easy!  Being in relationship is always hard.  Harder some times than at other times.

We are imperfect beings which populate this world of imperfection.  It seems in the grand scheme of things these imperfections are actually a part of the grand design.  May I also ask you to consider that relationships enrich our lives at many levels and infinite ways?

If this article or any of the articles spark your interest or concerns, feel free to contact SunSet.  I would be happy to connect with you.

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Take care.